Our team of trained listeners provides free, confidential and non-directive support for women and their partners for

• unintended pregnancy – whether unplanned or following discovery of fetal anomaly
• pregnancy loss – whether through termination, miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, preterm loss or stillbirth.

We provide support to women during pregnancy and for the first year after birth. Our support is tailored to meet the individual needs of each woman.

Whether you feel you need someone to talk to or moral support to attend a group, we have trained befrienders who can help you. We are also able to help with practical needs e.g. assisting you to find baby equipment or finding a birthing partner.

Befrienders are usually volunteers who are there to be supportive in stressful situations, know how to find things out and will refer to other organisations as appropriate. In the longer term the befriender aims to help you with improving self-esteem, developing coping strategies and building up your support network.

We can offer support in:

• Pregnancy and in considering options for the birth
• Parenting skills
• Financial issues
• Developing self-esteem and social confidence
• Providing advocacy support
• Sign posting and/or referral to specialist services

So, if you or someone you know needs some extra support during pregnancy or during the first year of your baby’s life, we are here to help. Those that we have worked with in the past have found it invaluable.

A previous client said:

“They helped me when I was in a bad situation, when I was feeling sad and crying, they listened to me when I needed to talk to somebody and helped me to meet a doula when my baby was born. They helped me with benefits… came to my home after my baby born… They help me with looking for a job when I had to start work after my baby was born and listened to my problems when I needed it. THANK YOU.”

We have a contract to provide the counselling service at a local hospital for women who have decided to terminate a pregnancy.

Finding out that your partner is unexpectedly pregnant is a huge shock. We would like to support you in handling your emotions, reactions and decision-making, in what can be a highly stressful situation.

Dealing with your emotions
An unexpected pregnancy can be completely overwhelming, and the temptation can be to blame, argue, jump to a decision about how to handle it, or run away. If you feel this way, it’s a good idea to have some time out before talking.

It can also help to talk to someone removed from your situation. We have listeners who are trained to help you work through your thoughts – you can call our helpline on 020 8892 8483 any time.

Your partner’s emotions
Not only is your partner dealing with the shock and stress of pregnancy, her body is changing. The influx of hormones, and the sheer reality of being pregnant, may be affecting her deeply. She will probably also be grappling with the same questions as you are. To talk effectively, you need to be sensitive, calm and understanding.

Your options
Because of the nature of pregnancy, there is a great deal of focus on the woman’s responsibility and decision. However, many women may want and need their partner’s active involvement in the decision-making process.

In certain circumstances, it can be easy to think that there is only one thing to do. In reality you always have options. It is healthy to think through these – parenting, adoption, abortion – whatever the circumstances of your relationship.

Making a decision
Whatever you decide, the experience will be infinitely preferable if you can do it rationally and together. As with any big decision, one good approach is to list up the pros and cons of each option, taking the time to listen to each other’s views.

Factors such as how each option makes you feel, and the long-term impact, should also be considered. The more honest you can be with each other, while sharing the burden of the decision-making, the better.

Getting help
It can be very helpful to have the confidential input of someone who can provide information and support, and is removed from your situation.

If you live locally to our centre in East Twickenham, London, you can visit us and spend time with a trained listener, talking it through. Alternatively, find your local pregnancy counselling centre (Pregnancy Choices Directory).

Timescales
If you are considering abortion, you will need to act fairly quickly depending on what stage the pregnancy is at. However, for many this is not an easy decision to make, and should be thought through carefully.

Your rights as a partner
The legal rights regarding abortion or continuation of a pregnancy lie with women. Fathers do not have the right to insist upon an abortion or the continuation of pregnancy – even when married.

Finding out that your daughter, sister or friend is unexpectedly pregnant can be a huge shock. It is likely to be a very emotional situation for both of you, and can be very difficult to handle if she is turning to you for advice.

Your emotions
In order to support her, you may need to first take a step back and get your own thoughts and emotions in check. You may be angry, disappointed, ashamed – a whole world of emotions – but this doesn’t change the fact that your family member or friend is in a very stressful situation and needs your help.

In order to support her effectively, you may need some help and support yourself. Try talking to a trusted friend, or call our helpline (020 8892 8483) to talk things through with a trained, objective listener. You can also get answers to any questions you may have this way, eg. about her education, whether she can have an abortion etc.

Supporting her
Try imagining yourself in her situation to get a sense of what she is feeling and going through. Allow her to talk – and just listen, much as you may want to jump in. She needs to be listened to in order to sort things out in her own head. If you treat her with love and respect, she will be far more honest and open with you, and willing to listen to your views.

Help her to find out what her options are. It is a good idea for you to both visit a pregnancy counselling centre, such as ours, or one near where you live (Pregnancy Choices Directory). This way she can discuss her options with someone removed from the situation, with your support.

What not to do
Whatever you do, try not to force your opinion on her. Deciding what to do about a pregnancy is a momentous decision for any woman, regardless of age, and can have a long-term impact. You should aim to allow your daughter, sister or friend to reach her own conclusion – with your support and that of a trained listener.